Today, I thought something that I thought I'd never hear myself think. If that made any since at all.
I thought about having kids. I really want them. I want two; born no more than 2 years apart from each other. I don't want just any kids, I want two girls.
Two girls: Another thing that I never thought I'd say to myself. I have no idea how to raise a girl, yet alone two. What would I do with a girl. Half the time, I don't even know what I'm doing with myself.
I'd settle for a boy and a girl, though. As long as the boy comes first. But after some thought, I'd really like two girls.
I wonder what it'll be like. To have someone that can't do anything without me. Someone to love more than anything else in the world. Someone that is just a little piece of me, that I've let loose onto the world. Someone to share secrets with, that only mothers and daughters share. Someone to give those talks that only mothers give their daughters. Someone to share mother-daughter teas with. Someone to go to MAC and get makes overs with. Someone to dress up and go out to eat with. Some to talk to about secret crushes. You know, crap like that.
The most important thing is that she have a sister. I wanted one so bad growing up and I couldn't have it any other way for my daughter. I'll love to see them do things that just sisters do. Big sister getting annoyed my nosy little sister. Little sister idolizing big sister. A big sister to give dating advise to little sister. Big and little sisters who are best friends, no matter what. It'll be great.
If I were to have a baby girl right now. Honestly, I may cry more then she would. Just looking at her would evoke tears. Her little hands, and little feet and little bright eyes. I'd hold her and cry every night. But, why?
Maybe, for the same reason I cried tonight as I sat in my car:
I don't know why.